My Ebenezer in Writing

Posted By Tammy Hendricksmeyer on May 5, 2015 | 2 comments


This is where it all began. This was the beginning of not letting fear rule me. From teenager to adulthood, I had hidden my work in secret places. Then one day, about 15 years ago, I burned it all. I destroyed every poem, short story, all my work, and I began fresh.

 

I became a blank slate. With nothing. No promise to ever write one tittle of a word or anything, ever again.

 

I started over.

 

And I just lived. For a season, it was enough.

 

But it wasn’t long, several years later in fact, that words began to speak inside me like a flower bulb buried deep under the earth reaching for the light. They were small tokens. Eventually, up came a poem here or there. That was all.

 

More time passed, until I knew it was time to stop hiding from no one in particular, except my ego.

 

I had longed for something to happen by waiting for it to land in my lap as if it would fall from some proverbial and divine sky. It never did. But if it had, I would have been ill-prepared and even more ill-equipped.

 

The time had come that I was being called out from safety. I was being called out for survival, having landed on this farm six years past. I had kept myself protected and what had it gotten me after all those years?

 

That’s when I began. To think I even could was foolish. But I had decided I’d rather look foolish than live with regret. Or with fear. My self-esteem would have to suffer. I was going to write. Oh, it was terrible and horrible at first and actually each new day I write, I cringe at yesterday’s work. But at least I’m practicing the push past fear, no matter the horrible-ness, and striving for better. If nothing else, I’m alive with passion.

 

When I stand up and begin to stake my self, when I step out in faith (and fear), I grow stronger. Bolder. And I learn, oh how I learn–mostly about myself. But with my new-founded education, I would hope that I’d be more able to help others grow too.

 

That’s what If Meadows Speak did for me. It holds a lot of my secrets. My faith journey had trials and tribulations during my time there, but it also holds revelations.

 

My cover picture is a mirror, no less. But if you notice, I’ve diverted my attention to what could be myself reflected back. Instead, I’ve focused on the beauty just beyond the mirror.

 

Courage does that for us. It helps us to get past ourselves and see the wide open sky, the glory of God’s hand. This is why we practice “the art of fear not.” Because everything is a heart attack of panic when we look in the mirror of our passions and only see ourselves in it. But if we step aside, we are able to see the depth and goodness that is more than us.

 

~~Tammy {Duet 31:6}

 

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More words here.

 

 **Ebenezer – a memorial stone, remembrance of God’s deliverance

2 Comments

  1. Needed this. Restarting my blog and writing. Feeling encourage.

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