I have not fallen off the map. Over the last few months, I’ve been fleshing out writing ideas that go beyond one blog post. And when I’m working on something, I squeeze all my energy in that direction, tunneling my vision as if aiming at a bull’s eye.
In our house, we call it the “Pit Bull” mentality. Once I sink my teeth into a project or responsibility, I hold on, expending time and resources into that venture. And after my creative canines firmly bite in, I throw my weight behind it.
But I also need moments for pulling back and reconnecting. I’m wired that way too.
Freedom from Bothersome
Ironically, even though I need human connections, reaching out is not my strong suit. Mostly because I don’t want to bother people. And Bothersome likes to bring its kin as if I’m one of the family. Cousin Needy or Aunt Ima Pushy sit close, shoulder-to-shoulder, hand cupped over their mouth and whisper how I’m better off doing things by myself.
Perhaps, they’re your neighbors? If so, I’d suggest a move.
Lately, I’ve been set free-er. I believe this is a never-ending path and one we must be diligent to stay on, not straying from Christ. And in this, I’m not referring to an anything goes mentality, but rather, pursuing a deeper relationship with Christ so we are empowered to overcome through the Holy Spirit.
In my recent (email-only) newsletter, I talked about taking part in a freedom series and how it’s been impacting me. And child, it’s good!
I had falsely assumed I’d participate in the class to help others. [insert chuckle]
Instead, Freedom whipped around and gave me the side-eye.
Let me say, I won’t ever tire of being loosed no matter how free I imagined myself to be. Oh, and just last night? Friends discussed with me and my sister how all of us bought off on the lie of “bothering people.” Bringing wrongful thinking to light removes alot of its power.
Writer’s Gonna Write, and Write
But back to where this post was originally heading. Recently, Jennie Allen talked about the alone-ness involved when bringing a God-passion to fruition (in this case,writing books).
In the quiet, removed places we meditate and put words to page. As writers, we go inside ourselves and bring our experiences back to the blinking cursor.
Vulnerability takes place in order to develop a story or concept. And in my “pit bull”ness, I spend too many hours tweaking sentences than tweaking times for fellowship with friends and family.
Tenacity and Swinging for the Fence
I’m learning to balance my time. I’ve given myself permission to intermittently drop Facebook or blogging in order to finish my indie writing projects while keeping family relationships, not only intact, but mixed in with laughter and good times. Did you catch that? I’m swinging for the fences with indie publishing. There are so many things I want to share with you about it.
However, writing longer assignments results in me periodically disappearing from the blog. If not, I’d spend a week, every week, in pajamas with uncombed hair, wild-eyed, in my attempts to make every blogging line “sing” as if life depended on it.
Instead, I’ll pile on the wordcount, thank you very much, and drive myself bat-y-ier by attempting to make whole books now have some semblence of zing-i-ness.
Nonetheless, my reason for going indie is partly based on wanting to intimately know the process. The other parts consist of choosing my topics and giving my whole self to every aspect. I want to get better at my craft. I want license to write the next thing and not have someone take it away because store sales didn’t meet a two-week commercial goal. I want the power to choose my covers. I want to be able to correct post-market typo’s that slip past editor and author. I want to make audio books or children’s’ books or try my hand at fiction.
Keep Me Sober & Un-Wonky, Please
Taking on big projects could result in failing. Of course, right? But for me, re-engaging community is what challenges me most. After extended times of introspection, connecting is the very thing I need. Otherwise, I spiral into negative space. I can’t live in my head nor do I want too.
I’m maneuvering this balance by being intentional. Most days are good, but on the bad days, I binge on The Voice or random shows, drive to Dairy Queen for a mini-Reeses’ blizzard then take the “scenic” route home, or daydream of cedar homes on the lake. I’m pretty sure lake houses solve world peace.
In other words, my gumption comes in doses. But tenacity pushes me forward, every time.
That’s how I roll. Mostly this persistance is a gift, but if not careful, I get wonky and cranky because I’m a pit-bull who doesn’t always know when to ease up and let go.
Just Do It
Despite all that, I’ve promised myself I won’t apologize (to people out in the big woolly book world). There’s no escaping cynics or critics. Besides, I’m too busy working to wring my hands over fear, anxiety, and mockery. Of course, this goes back to freedom.
Until I get my footing, I can’t make promises for the frequency or infrequency of blog posts here. But what I can do is, keep you informed.
I may be sporadic. But when I do share, it’ll be important developments that I think will be of interest or will help you too.
I’m also pulling back to more newsletters because that removes some of my own self-induced pressure to obsess over every single word before “publishing” a post.
I’ll still be here. But when laser-focusing on a project, I may recede. However, I’ll be announcing more projects. I’ll also reveal my debut indie book cover reveal (2 weeks) and why I went with this one versus my original idea. I’ll be giving away a Kindle and other goodies (in May), will be offering a FREE eBook on my indie publishing process so you can decide if it’s for you too (soon), and will disclose future collaborative endeavors.
Hope this helps. I’d love to stay in touch and promise not to flood your inbox, obviously. 🙂
For my email subscribers only: I’ll soon be releasing a FREE in-depth step-by-step guide of how I survived an indie book launch. The free exclusive guide shares my indie process, editing technique, book cover designer, formatting, marketing contacts, and many other resources that I personally used. Word-of-mouth referrals were key to my journey (along with hand-holding from a fantastic secret group).