When You’re Looking for Answers–On Kingdom-minded Understanding (#Empowered by the Spiritual Life: #5)

Posted By Tammy Hendricksmeyer on Oct 7, 2015 | 0 comments


(Stay tuned for next week. I’ll be giving away books, free printables, and jewelry as part of my #write31days, series.)

 

“All of God is accessible to you through Christ. Cultivate His knowledge above everything else on earth.” A.W. Tozer, Man: The Dwelling Place of God

 

I sat on my blue couch, in Killeen, Texas, in the first house I ever owned with short-n-shaggy brown carpet under my feet. Fatigue settled on me like a pair of baggy clothes, ragged and worn. I hadn’t slept in days. Each night, I had laid in bed, wide-eyed, looking at the ceiling, willing my mind to stop thinking and spinning. Questions gnawed my insides, needy and demanding. Who was God? What parts of the supernatural life are of Him and what parts are the enemy’s work? How do I discern truth from lies? 

 

I was a prodigal then, on the threshold of re-discovering my first Love.

 

It was many years ago. I had found my old King James Bible from childhood and had placed it on my lap. I was asking for a miracle. I was asking God to speak to me. Not in an audible way, mind you, although I’d have taken that.

 

Instead, I held my bible, pressed between both hands, and I sorta dared Him in my own desperate way, “Wherever these pages fall, God, show me what you have to say.”

 

I was in my mid to late 20’s and even to that day, the Bible didn’t make sense to me. It was gibberish. Most my highlighter marks from childhood, were mysterious ways God repetitively used numbers like “40,” or “7,” or words like “water,” and “wilderness.” All foreign in my mind.

 

I knew even less about the men who wrote on the pages between the covers. But I opened King James, this day. I looked. And I hoped. And I feared.

 

Before me, was that strange language of scriptures. From Ezekiel, I read at the exact place where the pages fell after I dropped my hands and allowed the Bible to just open “wherever.” I did not know who Ezekiel was. Nor did I even know what a prophet was or that Ezekiel happened to be one.

 

I had no formal training, no seminary degree, no theological background to interpret the ancient prophecy of Ezekiel much less, tell me the significance of this passage and it’s author. With my lack of knowledge, I dived in and read the open page.

 

Like scales removed from my eyes, puzzle pieces of words connected like joints coming together. The formal “Thee”s and “Thou”s, dissolved before my eyes. My brain locked in and understood. Where I once had deaf ears, I now heard with my heart. My insides churned, a crowded room of butterflies and fireworks.

 

“The Bible is a supernatural book and can be understood only by supernatural aid.” ~~A.W. Tozer, Man: The Dwelling Place of God

 

The words on the page sliced through me like a knife cutting through butter. How did I ever think of God as watered down? How did I ever imagine Him at the back of some solar system, far from human condition, watching with aloof-ness? My former light-years God, was now walking off the pages of Ezekiel, before my eyes. I was blind, but:

 

“Now it came to pass in the thirtieth year, in the fourth month, in the fifth day of the month, as I was among the captives by the river of Chebar, that the heavens were opened, and I saw visions of God.” Ezekiel 1:1 KJV

 

My ears beat like drums with a thump-thump-thumping. My heartbeat raced against my throat where the arteries jumped from my neck. My ribcage barely held my heart from popping out. Ezekiel’s words defibrillatored Life into my blood, the very life of Jesus’ precious Spirit.

 

My cheeks felt warm, like a fever had suddenly risen. My brow moistened as I paced from the physical discomfort. But in the discomfort was joy. Joy in knowing God spoke today as yesterday, and to me, to anyone who truly seeks and asks. I forced myself back to read:

 

“And I looked, and, behold, a whirlwind came out of the north, a great cloud, and a fire infolding itself, and a brightness was about it, and out of the midst thereof as the colour of amber, out of the midst of the fire.” Ezekiel 1:4 KJV

 

The Bible felt unsteady, heavy against my trembling hands. Each understood and resonating word, plunged into me like daggers cutting away disease. The more I read, the more I understood.

 

empowered by the spiritual life2 meredith bernards photo for

 

We are like Job–afflicted in our souls. Emptiness echoes a resounding, hallow ache within us, only God can fill.

 

The Bible speaks in mysterious ways. Our secret, innermost thoughts are exposed and revealed from His ancient script. He holds answers to our deepest cries. His words go down like honey and fire. He endwells us with the promise of His Holy Spirit.

 

We may have begun our journey, questioning and daring. We may have come boldly. But however we arrived, we bring the end of ourselves.

 

Where our life ends, Jesus begins as our ravenous souls  feast with hunger and eagerness. We become a paradox of statisifed and never enough. We become a-fire for God, Jesus burning up our hearts. And holding the match is the Holy Spirit, the One who lights the bonfire consuming every inch.
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(This is part #5 of the #Write31Days series. I won’t have a post every day, but I will be posting more often for the month of Oct. And there may be mistakes, grammar or spelling errors, however, the conversation will be what matters, right? I hope you’ll bear with me as we explore the idea to be #Empowered by the Spiritual Life. Feel free to share your thoughts too.)

 

Part #1: Releasing-On Becoming People of the Wind

 

Part #2: On Dabblings & Hard Surrdenders–The Gift of Being Undone

 

Part #3: The Paranormal Trap–On Believing in a Supernatural God vs Everything Else

 

Part #4: Let’s Talk about Condemnation–On Getting Past Shame & Unworthiness

 

I’d love to continue our conversations on being #empowered by the spiritual life. Sign up and I’ll also send you my small ebook on facing fear that paralyzes you.


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